Israel: Every political and non-political institution in Pakistan accuses its adversary of being funded by India and Israel. The reason is simple – naming your enemy as your national enemy’s best friend works like a charm all the time. So we will stop fighting and see for ourselves that India and Israel, throughout history, funded everyone in Pakistan. No proof is needed, so recreate a parallel history with the help of some publicly available photographs.
1947 BP (Before Pakistan): Two Indian men posing on Twitter as women using each other as DMs discover that they are, in fact, men. Visibly upset, @ Shabnam420 and @ Sheila9211 broke things. His agony ended in shock. Hurt by betrayal, @ Shabnam420 sent threats to @ Sheila9211: Tere Ghar ke samane Ek Ghar banana, tere Ghar ke samane Duniya basaunga. Words were spoken. The house was built. And how India made Pakistan.
A little-known fact is that the woman who seemed to have only a job back in the day would laugh at the poor jokes of a desi uncle, also conspiring with the Israelis. Even the Israelis did not know for what. But they were not for nothing, after all, laughter.
In the AP (post-Pakistan) period of 1947, the first military dictator exchanged notes with the Indian Prime Minister and later progressed as Israel’s high-profile agent. Due to the apathy of the dictator’s services, the Prime Minister was told that if he ever wished a coup against his political rivals, a helpline would be set up for him as WhatsApp was no longer secure. Both agreed. Was settled at number 111.
At some point, Pakistani boys decided to visit their grandmother in India. But their journey took an emotional turn when they found out that they truly loved their colonial cousins and wanted to be with them. The situation was rather harsh for living. “Drop those guns and stay as long as you want,” a grandmother told them. Indian cousins carried guns and sent Pakistani boys back with red rose money. The rest, as they say, is history.
The uncle, the special agent responsible for the 1971 boys, drank tea with the grandmother and was promised that his band would be well cared for. Many years later, as a thank you, Grandma sends a cousin. He jumped out of the sky and came out of nowhere. When he meets his Pakistani cousins, he tells them that “the tea was fantastic.” But this shy cousin was also heard saying: “Excuse me, I’m not going to tell you this.”
Nevertheless, he was a hit, and Pakistan preferred one of its cross-border cousins. But soon, Rishta’s aunt finds out that she is married and has lost all her charm. He was to be sent back with a carton of Lipton tea bags.
The infamous Israeli pilot, who was teaming up with India and is said to have been caught in Pakistan. He converted and got married and now has more than 100 children – wait for him in just two years. His record is waiting to be recorded in the Guinness Book.
A common man discovers an Israeli invention, a game called cricket. After threatening the enemy with a possible nuclear attack, he decides to score on a cricket pitch and double the rent. But as luck would have it, the mango had disappeared.
The RAW chief was seen funding the future Pakistani Prime Minister. Israelis are also seen celebrating the moment-to-moment event in the PM’s life with apple juice.
Unknown Indians reach Pakistan to fund and recruit people working in the Prime Minister’s sugar mills. Regardless of what will happen to him, Pakistani PM waves as if there will be no tomorrow.
The last military ruler coming from Pakistan leans towards the Indian royalty with an emotional speech – Ek mard ka sir sirf tin auraton ke saamne jhukta hai. By gesture, the royalty reimburses the dictator’s travel and stay expenses, plus free passes for the cricket match to be held nearby. Such a relief to the government treasury of Pakistan.
Two of the enemy’s companions meet outside Kake da Dhaba. Hand in hand, they plan for the future and exchange nuclear secrets. One lost his job due to his open generosity, the other remembers how Mother said, ‘Mere Karan Arjun Ayenge’. The partnership is still going strong. Our sources say that both have now joined the Signal app for security reasons along with a TV anchor who always showed special interest in Pakistan.
Never seen footage from Mossad headquarters: Two agents with known and specialized skills of seduction are recruited. After all, the next war will be fought over temptation. Nukes can wait.